Sunday, October 28, 2012

Why you so judgemental?

Did you know that everyone judges? Does it make it right? No. But we all do it. I guess it's part of being human. Some people are more vocal then others or some just do it behind closed doors, but we all do it.

I'm part of a natural moms group on Facebook that I absolutely love. It's a very active group so if you're not around for a day you could end up being lost on what's going on but on the plus side, something is ALWAYS going on. And for those of us that are Facebook addicts, that's a good thing. LOL.

Occasionally a subject will come up that everyone is talking about and someone will accuse us of being judgmental of others and that we need to be nice because people usually just don't know that there's another way. While I agree with that to a point (if you attack someone personally they're never going to change their belief) I don't think we need to watch what we're saying because we may be judging other moms that are doing something anti-natural.

The baby raising "norm" judges natural or AP (attachment parenting) parents all the time. Whether they're complaining about breastfeeding and how long we're doing it, even to the point of calling us child molesters; saying we're horrible parents because we co-sleep and/or bed share; arguing with us when we don't want to let a baby CIO (cry-it-out) vs comforting a child; or even babywearing and if it matters that you use a ergonomical carrier or a "crotch dangler." This of course is just a small amount of the opinions that tend to differ but it gives you an idea. But if in the majority of parenting forums out there, (i.e. The Bump, etc.) the parents put AP people down, is it that awful to create a place for AP/Natural minded mamas to be able to come together and chat? Even if that means we're judging those same decisions but on the opposite side of it?

I don't know if it's because AP/Natural mamas tends to get linked in with hippies which means we should be more tolerant or what, but we're still humans. We still judge. I just don't think we should be told we're wrong by judging. Like I said before though, there is a line for that. When someone starts to attack someone personally, they've crossed over that line. That is not acceptable and should not be tolerated regardless so something should be said then. And sometimes it's a very fine line, but I think it can be walked without being told we need to censor ourselves.

I feel the need to add that I am not crunchy to the core. haha. Not everything I do is an aspect of AP. There are some things that I disagree on in that world. But you know what, I don't argue with someone on that subject of it. Especially in a group of naturally minded parents. I know what they believe, and that is there place to talk about their beliefs. I don't need to go in there and argue my belief. It's not like they haven't heard it before from everyone else around them. This is where they can go to get away from all of that other stuff and be able to talk with like minded parents. Do I have the right to take that away from them?

Study from in 2011 shows that we all judge

Here's some other blogs that I found where judging other moms was the topic: Selective Judgement: Moms judging other moms, Is it really wrong to judge other mothers, and When other moms judge.

What do you think?

1 comment:

  1. I think maybe the reason for judgement is largely due to the fact that people don't realize how incredibly diverse people are. Even if they think they do, they do not really... because it is "too much" to realize. If that makes sense? LOL You can even raise two children in the same household with the exact same rules, etc., and have them turn out completely opposite.
    People reject what is different, and apply what they know. That is a general statement, but in this case, it would mean that because someone feeds their child something other than what they would feed them, it's wrong; clearly they should be feeding them "this". And of course there is how the child acts. If they do not behave like their own children, or their definition of how a child should act, then the child is evidently out of control and needs to be handled in a better manner than the parent(s) is doing.

    That last bit was personal. The rest was the psych major talking. I did spare you the biological/evolutionary reasons for why people act certain ways when it comes to children. You're welcome..hahahah!! :)


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